A look behind the scenes of the coaching process.

I’m here to tell it as it is. No sugar coating. Being coached isn’t always rainbows and sunshine. The highlights and breakthroughs you see shared by coaches and individuals through social media platforms and testimonials are a tiny glimmer of the vast experience that is being coached.

My first time being coached was in 2011 by Alecia Baker just north of Philadelphia in the states. Alecia is the wife of my then co-worker at Matt’s Red Rooster Grille, a job I worked nights and weekends as a young architect to pay my student loan debt. I will always remember meeting Alecia as she intentionally held my hand and looked me in my eyes. It was as if she gave me permission to lay down my armor and just be.

I chose to see Alecia after this encounter, and after my co-worker Stefan Baker, shared with me that she helped him reduce the severity and frequency of his migraines. This struck a chord with me. I had suffered from de-habilitating migraines since I was 14 with the start of my cycle. The doctors were so astonished by my symptoms of nausea, vomiting, light and sound sensitivity, auras, tingling and numbness, as well as loss of speech that they put me in a clinical study. Here they tested different medications on me, and measured their impact by sticking electrode pads all over my head and body to collect and study the data, and observe what was happening inside my body when I experienced a migraine. I continued taking the medication for nearly a decade without change to my symptoms because it made me feel like I was doing something (what others told me would help) to help. Not once did the doctors ask me about how I experienced a migraine – they just looked at the data.

Ten years later, without the backstory, Alecia asked me what my body was telling me when I experienced a migraine. No one had ever asked me a question like this before. My brain had never considered to listen to my body like that before. It was as if a part of my brain that had always been there, but wasn’t functioning, turned on. The scientific name for this is ‘Neuroplasticity’. This is the brain’s ability to change and adapt by re-organising neural pathways, forming new connections between neurons, and even creating new neurons in response to experiences, learning, and environmental stimuli. While neuroplasticity is often known for how our bodies recover from injury, or how we adjust to the changes in our environment, it has also been proven to change behaviours, habits, and thought patterns, which is why most people choose to work with a coach. They want their situation to change, but it is really them who changes, so they can change their situation.

This is no small feat. It takes heaps of courage! Courage to share thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with a coach. Courage to trust the coach, their practice and process. Courage to prioritise themselves and practice the lessons from the session. Courage to sit with the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that surface in the process. This is where the tension arises and things start to get a little uncomfortable. It is also where the most powerful work happens. You see, coaching is like a mirror. It enables us to see parts of ourselves we never knew existed, or see parts of ourselves through a new lens, or different angle. We see parts of ourselves we have been trying really hard to silence in order to feel safe and in control. I have stopped counting the number of times I have cried (I’m talking chest undulating, ugly cry) in a coaching session. I have learned that crying is one of our body’s tools to release and re-centre. At first this can feel overwhelming, confronting, and uncomfortable. As you continue being coached, you come to realise this is where the real change happens, and as wild as this sounds, you intentionally seek it out. 

Nature shows us this time and time again, this life through fire concept, through regenerative practices. In First Nations culture, where I live in Australia, the Aboriginal people have practiced controlled burning or ‘cultural burning’ for tens of thousands of years as a way to manage the land and promote biodiversity. This reduces likelihood of large, destructive bushfires, and also encourages new growth of grasses and plants. The plants serve as food, medicines, and tools. The fire is also used to give life to a tapestry of habitats of plants and animals. I encourage you to think of these examples when you start feeling the heat in your coaching session. Understanding that through this discomfort you are creating a nutrient-rich ecosystem that supports you and your goals.

It is also worth sharing that I have come to notice a pattern in the days following my coaching session. I often have a lull for 2-3 days where my old behaviors, habits, and thought patterns adjust to having a new flat mate in my mind and body. They throw out little nudges to see if they can sway me back to my old ways. Science refers to this as ‘Neural Pathway Reactivation’, because the brain doesn’t completely erase the old neural pathways associated with the previous behaviours, habits, and thought patterns. So, I make space and find ways to reinforce the new neural pathways. This is also why coaching occurs over an extended period of time. No one and done here! Quality, sustainable change takes time to establish and integrate into our lives.

Now, in 2025, fourteen years after working with Alecia, and over a dozen other coaches and wellness practitioners, I can say that both the frequency and severity of my migraines has reduced drastically. I have gone from getting 2-3 completely crippling migraines a month (even while on preventative medication) to getting 3-4 mild migraines a year. This has been achieved through taking 100% responsibility for my behaviours, habits, and thought patterns and choosing to do the work. Perimenopause is my newest challenge to this wellness track record, and my first step was sharing it with my coach so we could unpack some options and create new behaviours and habits that support my changing body. See what I mean, just when the brain catches up to the new neural pathways, the body changes and introduces a new hurdle. Back to the fire I go.

So if you’re out there dancing with the idea of working with a coach or you’re ready to take your practice a bit deeper, remember these 3 things:

1. Your brain is designed to change and adapt.
2. Coaching can be uncomfortable, but this process of regeneration can lead to new, healthy behaviours, habits, and thought patterns.
3. Your brain takes time to change. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Curious about the people behind the story? 

Alecia Baker’s transformative practice and offerings. Have a look here to learn more. 

Stefan Baker, is a musician with some soothing tunes. Have a listen here.

Hi, I’m Sarah. I teach ambitious leaders how to create thriving ecosystems that bring their ideas to life through people, purpose, and process. Keen to collaborate? Send me a message with what’s come to mind.